It’s Potty Time
I vividly remember potty training. This probably means that I used the “little potty” way too long.
Nagymama always told me not to go near the “Big Potty” because she was afraid that I would somehow fall in it and drown. To protect me, she claimed that there was a man hiding in the bowl that would grab my butt and suck me down into the sewer forever. Ironically, I recently discovered that this doesn’t happen if you sit on the toilet, just if you sit on a crowded subway.
Anyhow, I was only supposed to use the small plastic potty that was placed on the floor adjacent to the big potty. From that point forward, every time I went to the bathroom alone, I would close the lid of the big potty with Nagymama’s back scratcher and cover the lid with miscellaneous shampoo bottles. If I couldn’t reach the shampoo bottles, I would pile some of my McDonald’s Happy Meal toys on top of the big potty to weigh it down so the man wouldn’t still escape and suck me in while I was “busy” on the little potty. I performed this ritual every single time I went to the bathroom. No wonder I turned out to be so anal retentive.
One day, I tried to sit down on the plastic potty and my butt wouldn’t fit. A waive of terror washed over me; I was stuck between a pot and a small place.
I walked over the big potty and precariously lifted the lid. I glanced into the bowl and was surprised to see that there was no man inside. I figured he was still hiding, waiting for my butt. I looked up and spotted a shiny metal handle on top of the toilet. I curiously pulled on it and it made a loud “BAWOOSH!” sound and the bowl started to fill with water. I got so scared that I ran out of the bathroom screaming.
I could hear my mother sigh from her bedroom. “Stephie, quit playing vit dah toilet. You’re vasting vater.”
On that day, I decided that I didn’t need to go potty anymore ever again. So I held it. And held it. And held it…
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Facebook comments:
We never did the potty thing. We always used the regular toilet, though clearly while we were still small, it required a certain amount of baby-sitting (not to be confused with baby-shitting).
I recall being rather confused when visiting with another young’un and seeing the little potty and thinking it must be a toy toilet. There was no way to flush the thing after all and surely it wouldn’t be used since that would be gross and all.