Failure at Cooking: The Pepper Soup (Part 3)
This is Part 3 of The Pepper Soup
I decided to bite the bullet and stick my head underneath the sink. Of course, there was no nozzle to control the temperature, so the faucet basically spit ice cubes at me as I tried to scrub pepper gunk from my head. The sink also had an automatic sensor, so I had to move my head back and forth like one of those toy water drinking bird just to get my head wet.
The secretary walked in just as I was bobbing around in the sink. “Do you have a change of clothes at least?”
I stood up and blotted my head with a C-fold paper towel. My head smelled like some weird combination of pepper and that awful pink soap they always have in public restrooms. “Good point, I’ll be right back.”
I was thankful that I still had an overnight bag from my weekend trip, so I headed out to my car. Just as I entered the parking lot, I ran the owner of the office next door, Bob Jacobson.
“Hey, Stephanie!” he said, giving me a curious glance. “How are you…feeling today?”
“I know, I must look weird, I’m all wet I had an accident at the office. Well, not that kind of accident. It was an incident really, with a thermos full of pepper soup.” I immediately regretted the words that were spouting from my mouth. I was planning on renting his office the next week for a corporate video shoot, and I didn’t want him to think that I frequently went around exploding soup in random offices. Unfortunately, when I’m nervous, I talk too much.
“Yeah, you still have some around…” he pointed to his cheek and then moved his hand around the general side of his head.
“I guess I’ll go deal with that.”
“Okay. I’ll see you Tuesday. Um, Stephanie? Could you not bring the pepper soup?”
“Yes, Bob, I’m burning the recipe.”
“Just don’t burn anything in my office, either.”
I ran inside and headed straight for a restroom stall. I wriggled out of my sopping wet clothing, trying not to touch anything. For a moment, I glanced down at myself and noticed that the soup had soaked through my turtleneck. My brand new, ridiculously overpriced, bright-white, satin, underwire, multi-way adjustable-strap, Victoria’s Secret Very Sexy® Low-Back bra with Gel-Curve® and Infinity Edge® was tinged with orange splashes.
I changed into fresh clothes, bolted out of the stall, and immediately started scrubbing bra in the sink. I didn’t even care if anyone walked in on me because we were not talking about any ordinary $9.99 Walmart Special over here. This was God’s bra!
One might argue that stains on a bra don’t matter, since bras [typically] go underneath clothing. Well, just imagine an intimate situation for a moment. In the heat of the moment, you take your shirt off and the guy runs out of the room thinking you’re some soup-lactating freak. Not Very Sexy®.
After a few minutes of scrubbing, I gave up and threw bra and various other soup-filled clothing into a plastic bag. I emerged from the bathroom, shivering and disillusioned.
“What did you do, shower?” said the Polish guy, as we both walked towards the kitchen.
“No one installed the shower curtains yet, so I thought I would keep my pale white ass to myself.”
“Uh yeah, good thing she didn’t use the shower,” the Italian guy chimed in. “It works, but they haven’t connected the final drains, so you would have probably flooded the office.”
“Great. My dollar’s worth of pepper soup would have amounted to $100,000 in damages.”
“Yeah, did you see the final result?” The Polish guy held up two splattered ceiling tiles.
“You know what? They look fabulous. Really, like works of art.”
“Sure, sell them on E-bay,” he replied sarcastically.
“Well, why not? If my family has taught me anything, it’s how to make lemons out of lemonade without wasting a single rind. And in my opinion, those two ceiling tiles have more character and passion behind them than some of the “avante-garbage” I see selling for thousands of dollars in the galleries downtown.”
“You’re not serious are you?”
“Oh, yeah, I’m serious. Where’s the office camera?”
So, there you have it, folks. A one-of-a-kind, original piece of art, my Stephanie M. Yuhas, signed, dated, and sealed with a kiss.
Check out the Ebay Page:
Proceeds will go towards the purchase of:
- (1) Ridiculously overpriced, bright-white, satin, underwire, multi-way adjustable-strap, Victoria’s Secret Very Sexy® Low-Back bra with Gel-Curve® and Infinity Edge®
-(1) $25 gift card to Chili’s for my boss as a kind gesture so I don’t get fired or “laid off”.
-Any proceeds above and beyond the purchase of the bra & the gift card will go towards the last $2,500 or so I need to pay off the expensive video camera while I was volunteering for a film event. That means MORE AMERICAN GOULASH VIDEOS!
-You are being GREEN by not adding dry two perfectly good ceiling tiles into a landfill.
-You’ll be supporting an independent artist.
-If you are in the Philadelphia area, you can save on shipping by arranging for local pickup.
We’ll start the bidding off at $10.