The Christmas present I came out to this morning:
They didn't leave a note. Since the car is 12 years old, I don't have collision, so my insurance will not cover the damages. Ironically someone smashed the other side 2 years ago and drove off, so now at least it matches. I suppose symmetry is beauty.
Yanno, I just wrote a several page long post outlining my thoughts, anxieties, and general ranting about various items that have been stolen from me over the last few years. Now that I feel better having loudly banged that out on the keyboard, I've deleted it all to spare you the details. I leave you with this:
I refuse to play be a victim here.
I'm thankful for my health since I was not *in* the car when it was hit, so now I am going to work towards fixing this situation. As for the Honda, I'm going to donate it to charity - most places can accept totaled vehicles for parts. But I'm in a little trouble because I need something to get around since I am sort of on the road for a living.
Okay, options...options..
Option...
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On the eleventh day of
Sexmas, I delivered to mommy….
Presidents Presenting!
(From left to right, top to bottom: Sexy JFK, Sexy Obama, Sexy Regan, Sexy Clinton, Sexy Lincoln. Click here for the large version of this photo. You know it would make great Desktop Wallpaper).
...And since I've been known to basterdise famous lyrics in the past (Remember "
Piece of Meat"?), I thought this would be a great opportunity to break into song:
♫ And I’m proud to be a Hungarian-American who thinks Presidents are sexy,
And I won't leave out any shirtless men due to political party,
And I’d gladly show these manboobs to you, even though some are not hairy,
‘Cause there ain’t no doubt I love these men, mostly for hilarity! ♪
Unfortunately, I was unable to include my boy Al Gore since he was never "officially" President. That's probably for the best since for SOME reason, I was unable to find any sexy, shirtless Al Gore photos on the internet.
So I made one for my personal collection.
Hubba hubba!
Mamma would be proud. Or emotionally confused.
On the tenth day of
Sexmas, I delivered to mommy….
Sean Connery A-Sleepin'.
Originally, I would going to make Sean "Mr. September", but I decided it might offend him because “
it began with a bloody ‘S’!”
--
I like Sean Connery, too, but I haven't seen much of his early work. My first "Classic Connery" moment happened when I walked in on my male roommate watching some hairy chested guy with a gun flailing around in his underwear.
“Eww, did I interrupt you watching old-timey porn?” I asked.
He shot me a dirty look from across the couch. “What are you talking about? This is James Bond!”
“Oh. Never saw it.”
“It’s .007! What’s wrong with you?!”
“I missed many popular films of the 70’s and the 80’s due to the lack of movie-watching technology in my childhood.”
“You want me to rewind it?”
“Nah, I don’t have time. When I have a chance to sit down for a few hours, I need to see ‘Star Wars’, the ‘Indiana Jones’ series, and the ‘Aliens’ series. And besides, this James Bond dude is kinda grossing me around with all his floofy chest hair and tiny bathing suit-ing.”
“That’s SEAN CONNERY, Stephanie!”
“No way…but...
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On the ninth day of
Sexmas, I delivered to mommy….
Tom Selleck calling.
I really do have a hard time telling the difference between Tom Selleck and Burt Reynolds. I guess Tom is hairier... How could we gauge this? Quick - someone invent a Hairometer so you can guess your HMI (Hair Mass Index).
I love everything about this picture. The stupid white sun visor. The hideous diagonally stripped bikini. The humongous "cell phone". The full body hair that doubles as a Magic Eye Picture/Rorschach Test (does anyone else see The Devil in Tom Selleck's tummy hair in the left photo?)
Oh, baby. I think I'm gonna need a cold shower after this one.
Calendar Update: Looks like VistaPrint failed me. They never mailed the calendar to me because one of the other items I put in my order was back-ordered - it's their policy to hold onto the whole order until all items return to stock. It's going to be another week, maybe even two weeks, until I receive the order. This is very disappointing - I was hoping to film Anyu's reaction to it. I suppose my mother is going to have a Sex-less holiday....
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