The 12 Days of Sexmas

Every time I visit my mother, I can't help but notice the aging picture on her bedroom door of some random shirtless guy with a mullet. For some weird reason, she tore the photo out from one of those "Sexy Guy" Calendars and scotched taped it to her door, right next to where she used to hang my school report cards. I vaguely remember Anyu getting this calendar as a gift from someone when I was in grade school, so it has to be over 15 years old.

"Anyu, I think you need to update your calendar photo. Do you want me to take down Rico Suave over here?"

"NO, VAY! I like dat picture! You can't get good sexy guy pictures like dis anymore."

"What are you talking about? They have Sexy Guy Calendars EVERYWHERE around Christmas."

"No no. All dah guys dese  are covered dah oils and don't gave a hair on their body. Dey look like GIRLS!"

"Oh, right, I forgot. You like the kind of guy that has chest hair you can braid."

"Dat vas the style in my time. You know vhat, for Christmas, you find me a sexy new man."

"Uh, are...
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New York, New York VI: NYPD

(This is the final installment of New York, New York)

I stood on the corner for an eternity and listened to the hum of New York City. A wave of relief washed over me as the all-familiar flashing lights came up the street. I walked into the street to flag the police car down, but a few taxi cabs drives got excited and immediately pulled up next to where I was standing. I shook my head and tried to shoo them away.

“No, no, I don’t need to go anywhere, I need the police, I-“

“Police? Is someone hurt?” a random jaywalking lady asked.

“No, nothing like that, there were these kids with fruit and-" I stopped because I sounded crazy. I wondered whether or not I should have gotten involved. Was I making too big of a deal? Did this stuff happen in New York all the time?

“Hey, Steph!” A familiar voice said from behind me. I spun around to see one of the people in my group. “I’ve been looking for you, what the heck is going on?”

A crowd had quickly formed around me and the police car started to travel past...
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