Most of us were deprived of something as children, whether due to negligence, accident, or just ignorance. Many of us decide to have children so we can give them the things we missed, but we often forget that our younger selves still live inside of us. Even as adults, we continue to desperately reach out to the same people that deprived us as children for some sort of fulfillment, only to be disappointed once again. It was only recently that I realized that once you become an adult, it's
your responsibility to protect and nurture the child within you.
My mother was raised to believe that you would achieve completion if you were loved and financially supported by a man - and she passed that token of advice onto me. I started dating at age 13 to appease my mother, as well as to fill the hole in my heart that was created by the absence of a father and growing up in severe poverty. I became a "serial monogamist", dating one man after another, until I found a real jewel who proposed to me a week before my college graduation. He then accumulated $15,000 worth of credit card debt in my...
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Every time I visit my mother, I can't help but notice the aging picture on her bedroom door of some random shirtless guy with a mullet. For some weird reason, she tore the photo out from one of those "Sexy Guy" Calendars and scotched taped it to her door, right next to where she used to hang my school report cards. I vaguely remember Anyu getting this calendar as a gift from someone when I was in grade school, so it has to be
over 15 years old.
"Anyu, I think you need to update your calendar photo. Do you want me to take down Rico Suave over here?"
"NO, VAY! I like dat picture! You can't get good sexy guy pictures like dis anymore."
"What are you talking about? They have Sexy Guy Calendars EVERYWHERE around Christmas."
"No no. All dah guys dese are covered dah oils and don't gave a hair on their body. Dey look like GIRLS!"
"Oh, right, I forgot. You like the kind of guy that has chest hair you can braid."
"Dat vas the style in my time. You know vhat, for Christmas, you find me a sexy new man."
"Uh, are...
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Congrats to "Wives' Tale" winner, Vincente for his adorable post about his mother:
My mother had me and my brother convinced that she could give us a injection (shot) in the butt with a syringe without using a needle. She would show us the syringe without the needle and with a clever slight of hand put the needle back. She was really good at this and I seldom felt any pain, so the needle-less story held up for years. I didn’t realize this was not possible until my 20s when I went to EMT class and studied IVs and stuff.
Congrats, Vicente - e-mail me over your address & I can mail you your mystery prize!
I cannot help but pimp this guy out, since he is one of THE COOLEST people I've met in a long time. Vincente is a great comedian, and he is specifically a master of short-form Improv Comedy. He is a total geek (uh, I met him at a freaking MENSA meeting), a computer genius, and a fellow admirer of Battlestar Galactica. Also, he loves the Steelers, which is allegedly some sort of sports team.
You should add him now and say, "Hi!":
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The whole series of Andrea's amazing
"Lessons from My Mother" embroideries got me wondering if you are related to someone superstitious or know someone that has any of these batty theories!
So, I'm holding a contest!
Post any of your hilarious or interesting wives' tales, superstitions, and general hilarity right here - the winner will get a (tasteful) ad promoting their website on the front page of this blog (which receives over 15,000 hits a month now, thank you readers!) for one whole month and a MYSTERY PRIZE mailed to your house!
Classic Example of a Superstition: My Nagymama always told me that a man lived in the Big Potty that wanted to suck me into the sewer because she was afraid that I would drown in the toilet. This causes me to fear The Big Potty for years.
I'll be posting mini-superstitions up all week, so, start posting, people! Can you do WORSE than Nagymama? You have until MARCH 6th to tell me about it...unless you think it's bad luck to enter contests.
Photo by Mike Wadestoru
