Archive for the Quick Bites Category
I'm not calling anyone out since I work with this person professionally...but...if you confess to this publicly, your sins might be forgiven.
At a meeting today...
Sales Guy: Hey, you should call your mom today and pretend you're getting brutally murdered.
Me: WHY WOULD I DO THAT?
Sales Guy: Because of your American Goulash blog! She's superstitious, right? So record yourself calling her and pretend something bad happened because of Friday the 13th, it would get lots of hits!
Me: You might be an excellent salesperson, but you're a terrible person.
Sales Guy: Ha! I get that a lot, actually....
Thanks for the tip, but I don't write this series to torture my mom. I write this because she tortures me.
4/14/11:
::RING RING, Anyu calling.::
Me: "Anyu, I'm too sick to talk, can I call you tomorrow?"
Anyu: "You know vhy you're sick? It's because you don't cover your kidneys."
Me: "I don't need to cover my kidneys. My kidneys are inside of my body."
Anyu: "Not for long if you don't vatch dem!"
Me: "Wha? Are you implying that my kidneys will fall out of my body if I don't cover them? Or that someone is going to steal them if I don't watch them?"
::silence::
Anyu: "Did you see Sherri lately? Boy, she got fat."
When I was 13, I promised myself that I would live in a big city so I could sit in a cafe, read a book, and people-watch. There was just something so romantic and "sophisticated" about that dream, compared to reading a book in a dim, crumbling shanty with an overprotective mother and grandmother doting over my angsty teenage self.
Not wanting to forget the dreams of my youth, I took time today to find my own little corner of heaven at the Starbucks on 20th & Market in Philadelphia. As I was about to relish my overly decadent soy-based coffee drink (which the old-world Hungarian in me could only truly enjoy because of a trusty half-off coupon), I placed my copy of "Strangers in Paradise" down to take a good look at the beauty that is my Philadelphia. At that exact moment, some guy in a business suit vomited his entire lunch onto the tree next to me. Whatever he ate sure was...orange. My 13-year old self was not expecting that.
The moment we arrived to the hotel room at Bible camp this year, my mother threw off her pants and started walking around in her tighty whities.
"Um, Anyu, what are you doing?" I asked, shielding my eyes.
She sighed. "Life is hard."
"Yes, I know. But why aren't you wearing any pants?"
She put her hands on her hips and spoke firmly, "I don't need to wear pants. I'm on vacation."
Although the sight was horrifying, I have to admit, like her motto...so I made them into T-shirts.
View all of my Designs on Zazzle
My mom has no idea how brilliant and hilarious she is. I think I will buy her one for her next "Burstday". (They make a great gift for Father's Day, too! Available in all colors & sizes!)
My cousin's son Attila has what I would call "Green Guilt". Every time he receives any type of food or gift that has packaging, he immediately asks, "Is this recyclable?"On our last family trip to "Bible Camp", my mother threw a plastic bottle into the garbage can in our room.
"Auntie, Auntie!" Attila yelled, pointing at the trash."We need to put this in the recycling bin OUTSIDE!"
"Nope, I do not recycle," said my mother.
"But you have to put it so we don't pollute Mother Earth," he whined.
"Eh, I don't feel like it."
"But why noooooot?" He pleaded with his big blue eyes.
"Because I am lazy," she laughed.
"Okay, then I can go outside and put it in the bin!"
Her expression changed from amusement to horror. "NOOOO!" she screamed. "You can't go recycle, somevon will steal you!"
Don't worry, I fished it out of the garbage can later and took him to recycle it. I'm trying to keep his childhood scars to a minimum.
Photo by Sanja Gjenero
