Squeezee Wonder Wiener

Warning: Contains suggestive content that might not be suitable for minors.

As a nine-year old, the highlight of my day came around 11 am when the mailman stopped by with letters and junk mail. Every day was a delight;  if I wasn't receiving a letter from one of my fifteen international PenPals or my National Geographic subscription, I would at least get my beloved Oriental Trading catalogue. I spent many hours browsing through that brochure of shoddily-manufactured products, wishing that I was old enough to have a credit card so I could buy a gross of glow in the dark necklaces and Squeezee Wonder Wieners (those 80's toys that would "slide, slip & slither" out of your hands). Yes, I know I had big dreams.

One afternoon, I spotted the giant pile of mail on the kitchen table and make an immediate run for it. After tossing  three bills on the floor, I spotted a catalogue that had the words TOYS written on the front with the words "NEW GLOW IN THE DARK PRODUCTS!" printed in giant block letters on the corner. It was sealed, so I ripped it open to discover a big glow-in-the-dark Squeeze Wonder Wiener prominently featured in the first few...
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New York, New York II: Pepper Spray

"I can't belief you vould drag me up dis early for a stupid trip," my mother said as we walked towards the main entrance of the Middlesex Mall.

Even the security guard looked sleepy as he unlocked the doors and ushered us into the empty corridor. I however, was wide-eyed and bushy-tailed. I was going to go to New York! I imagined the smell of roasted peanuts and the sound of taxi cabs and newspaper boys. I smiled at the thought of walking through a city, arm-in-arm with my first love. For one day in my young adult life, I could stand tall without the sound of Anyu and Nagymama criticizing my outfit behind me. 

We assumed that we could pick up some pepper spray at the K-Mart, but we were out of luck. The K-Mart directed us to the 99 Cent store. 99 Cent store directed us to the Hardware store. The Hardware store looked promising - I walked up to the counter and saw the empty peg for pepper spray.

"I'm afraid we're out of pepper spray, dear," the attendant said. "There's been...
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