Listen to this story read outloud on WXPN.
I marvel at my Nagymama all the time. Although she is 98-years old, she has never ONCE in her life had surgery. As a child, I honestly don't remember her ever being sick. For goodness sake, she doesn't even have one stretch mark on her entire body!
When she was in her 80’s, she was mugged by some teenage hoodlum, and she actually managed to beat him down with her handbag
(read the story here)! Either she has really good genes, she is a freak of nature, or something she did over the last 98-years really stuck. As a part of this American Goulash series, I am going to try to explore what is it that Nagymama has done to live to such a ripe, fruitful age. I know it isn’t all the Snacky Cakes® she eats all the time!
A few years ago, a friend of mine wondered what ever happened to "Fit", the supposed natural fruit and vegetable wash that removes dirt, pesticides, salmonella, e-coli, and all that other yucky stuff from produce. I started to wonder just...
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Nagymama always said...
that your insides would explode if you held in a fart.
What did your family tell you about farting?
Anyu and Nagymama always said...
that poop would come out of your mouth if you didn’t poop for more than 3 days.
What did your parents tell you about poop?
What is American Goulash?
This is an autobiographical comedy series about growing up as a first-generation American in a 425-square foot shack in the middle of small town Piscataway, New Jersey and eventually moving to Philadelphia to peruse a career in film.
I named the series "American Goulash" because my life feels like a mixture of Hungarian and American influences....served up with a little bit of paprika. Some of these stories are told in the form of writing, some are animated, some are film. It's like a big bowl of stew. The stories are in no particular order.
Okay, so
technically, it’s a dish that kinda resembles hamburger helper, but I was trying to be a little poetic about it, dammit!
If you are a Googler looking for the recipe for “real” American Goulash, it’s here.
Warning: Some of these stories may be “TMI” (too much information), so if you are offended by blunt, uncensored honesty, please do not read forward.
Are these stories actually true?
My lawyer says I'm supposed to say "no". So I'm going to say "no" (wink wink wink!) Obviously, names have been changed to protect the...
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I am a ridiculously fast typist, so I have transcribed this conversation word-for-word. Enjoy."Hallo?"
"Hey, Anyu-"
"Vhat dah story?"
"Great news, the Leeway Foundation gave me a grant to write some our family stories to encourage young people to talk to their grandparents and parents!"
"You know, I saw Cheryl de odder day, she got so fat. She's like 200 pounds."
"Mom, listen. I'm going into the radio station to read some of my writing, isn't that great? It tapes Monday."
"How do you know dat dis is a real radio station? Vhat if someone made it up so they could kill you?"
"Wow. I call to tell you happy news, and you jump to the worst thing ever. Quit worrying."
"So vhat are you telling the public?"
"Well, I was going to read a couple stories, you know, something funny about us. Maybe the cat story."
"Don't tell our bank account information."
"Okay."
"So a boyfriend is coming with you, right?"
"Well, uh, I-"
"How are you going to handle parking?"
"I was gonna-"
"You need to park at the garage where Stu used to park, he knew the cheapest places in town."
"Yeah, mom, that garage is across town."
