“I tink it’s a girl dis time,” my aunt, "Nagynéni", said, closing one eye and framing my cousin’s pregnant belly with her finger like a movie director. Anyu, Nagynéni, my cousin Erin, and I were sitting in the living room, watching Erin’s two boys play with dozens of dinosaur toys.
“Yes, yes, that’s what your sister keeps saying, too,” Erin replied, only half paying attention as her youngest boy tried to reach for a large box of toys on a tall shelf.
“You’re carrying high. You’ll be surprised. It’ll be a girl,” said Anyu.
Erin rolled her eyes. “Yes, well, explain the penis in the sonogram then.” She stood up carefully, holding the precious cargo of her 9-month pregnant belly as she lifted herself from the couch.
“Eeeeeeeeeeh, dat doesn’t mean anyting,” Nagynéni said, waving her hand dismissively. “Ignore the penis. It could still
turn into a girl, you know.”
“So, are you a little nervous about going in for the C-Section next week?” I asked to the back of Erin's head as she walked towards her children.
“I really try not to think about it,” Erin said, effortlessly ...
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On the second day of Sexmas, I delivered to mommy....
Richard Gere with a Rose!
Part of the reason Anyu loves Roy Orbison's song "Pretty Woman" is because of the movie that just-so-happens to go by the same title. I know the film annoys her a bit because "Crocodile-Mouth" is in it (that's what she calls Julia Roberts), but she'll put up with the toothy grin for a glimpse of Mr. Gere.
Sadly, my mother ONLY sees movies that have Richard Gere in them. I have tried to break her of this ritual, but I am unable to break her Richard Ritual.
--
Classic Example:
Me: Hey, everyone wants to go see that movie "Up", do you want to go see it?
Anyu: Is Richard Gere in it?
Me: No, it's animated.
Anyu: So he's playing a cartoon character? That's veird.
Me: No, it's a Pixar movie. They don't tend to throw random unnecessary famous voice actors all over films the way Dreamworks does.
Anyu: You know, Stephie, I vish Richard Gere could just show up to dah door and visk me avay from dis all right now.
Me: Anyu, if Richard Gere showed up right now, he couldn't make it to the...
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(This is the final installment of New York, New York)
I stood on the corner for an eternity and listened to the hum of New York City. A wave of relief washed over me as the all-familiar flashing lights came up the street. I walked into the street to flag the police car down, but a few taxi cabs drives got excited and immediately pulled up next to where I was standing. I shook my head and tried to shoo them away.
“No, no, I don’t need to go anywhere, I need the police, I-“
“Police? Is someone hurt?” a random jaywalking lady asked.
“No, nothing like that, there were these kids with fruit and-" I stopped because I sounded crazy. I wondered whether or not I should have gotten involved. Was I making too big of a deal? Did this stuff happen in New York all the time?
“Hey, Steph!” A familiar voice said from behind me. I spun around to see one of the people in my group. “I’ve been looking for you, what the heck is going on?”
A crowd had quickly formed around me and the police car started to travel past...
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